Laugh With Them, Not at Them

Ace Spandex :: The Good Guys

Ace Spandex

Real name Aaron Khouri

Occupation Computers 'n' languages 'n'...I dunno...weird junk like that

Species Terran

Talents Computers 'n' languages 'n' wei--oh, he's also good at blowing bubbles with gum!

Hyperability Intelligence skyrockets in relation to technology

Personality Laid back, likes pop culture

Fears Firearms

History April 14-20, 9082: parents notice his learning accelerates in relation to computers, so they place him in studies; studies prove he has a hyperability May 1, 9082: switches from regular schooling to hyperability schooling on Gaia April 19, 9103: family gets gunned down in his apartment building lobby due to a malfunctioning security drone; develops a fear of firearms April 30, 9103: enters therapy July 20, 9108: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "If you're receiving a shipment of napalm, I'd like to know where ground zero is." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Appetite :: The Bad Guys

No picture on file

Real name Your guess is as good as mine

Occupation Eating, digesting, eating, digesting, eating

Species Some weird gargoyle species

Talents See Occupation, also not listening when it's time for walkies

Hyperability None

Personality None...almost literally none

Fears Too stupid for fears

History Nothing was known about this thing until Master Asinine bought it like it wasa mail-order bride...

...and now I can't get that image out of my head...

Quotation The most it's ever spoken is to slurp up a lamppost

Make sure to check out Appetite's solo story!

Braindead :: The Bad Guys


Real name Nerrgggghhhhhggg

Occupation Chief bodyguard to Master Asinine

Species Virillian

Talents Marksmanship, combat, blank stares

Hyperability None

Personality Doesn't speak, is loyal to Lieutenant IQ 23 and Master Asinine

Fears None

History August 30, 9102: meets Master Asinine and helps form the Mikazin Clan March 18, 9103: helps form the Bad Guys

Quotation a good old blank stare (from any issue--kinda his catchphrase)

Brick :: The Bad Guys

No picture on file

Real name Unknown but people call him Boxy the Boxiest

Occupation Scientist

Species Logistican

Talents Mad sciencing, making freaky awesome that redundant?

Hyperability Possesses brick-coated skin

Personality Uses billion-moolah sentences, is intellectual, can make a catapult that launches ice cream into Master Asinine's mouth from eighty yards away

Fears Using three-letter words if his vocabulary is any indication

History May 31, 9088: is successful in fusing his skin with bricks for the sake of science!! September 1, 9109: accepts a position with the Bad Guys

Quotation "Mr. Asinine, if apposition has registered suitably, might I promote a subterfuge of discharging our pomme de terre armory upon the space vessel?" (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Burnout :: The Good Guys


Real name Mark Abends

Occupation Field agent

Species Terran

Talents Bodybuilding, keeping his brother Power Plant out of trouble...actually he's not that good at that last thing

Hyperability Creating/manipulating fire

Personality Has high-tension, acts with brotherly love toward Power Plant, is overprotective toward Power Plant, is easily angered

Fears Something will happen to Power Plant

History March 14, 9096: runs away from home with Power Plant, scars his father for physically abusing Power Plant November 6, 9096: arrested for stealing food November 14, 9096: is released from prison but continues to steal for survival; continues to be imprisoned February 1, 9100: is given money by the government to live a straight life April 30, 9100: opens a training gym for hyperabilitied youths July 7, 9101: closes gym due to lack of income; becomes a construction worker July 20, 9108: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "Jeff, you know what happens when you make up acronyms. Your brain thinks you're spelling and it overheats." (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)

Car Alarm :: The Good Guys

Car Alarm

Real name None

Occupation Pilot, loudest thing in the room

Species Robot

Talents Screaming, hollering, blaring, clattering, waking up the neighbors

Hyperability None

Personality By now you know he's just a screaming robot snowman

Fears None

History September 9, 9109: is built by Power Plant

Quotation Just go outside and listen to a city'll get one of his quotations in five minutes

Franchise :: The Good Guys


Real name Jacob Refensil

Occupation Field agent

Species Terran

Talents Cracking his knuckles

Hyperability Multiplying himself

Personality Gets involved in Power Plant's pranks, harbors fears for just about everything you can think of

Fears ...we should probably start with what he's not afraid of: puppies

History November 6, 9099: drops out of school due to underperformance, works at his parents' recharge station July 20, 9108: joins the Good Guys September 3, 9108: resumes tutor-based schooling

Quotation "Every time you screw around with stuff, I end up needing another chemical shower." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Make sure to check out Franchise's solo story!

Harrier :: The Good Guys


Real name Everett Pendleton

Occupation Field agent

Species Terran

Talents Being British, overpronouncing his T's

Hypermutation Possessing wings

Personality Acts too serious for his own good, is OCD about control

Fears Losing control of situations

History October 18, 9087: joins Intergalactic Protection August 25, 9105: leads a squad into an ambush at Abell 400 in which only he survives January 1, 9107: is dismissed from active duty due to his hypermutation July 20, 9108: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "Nothing has ended in bloodshed, has it?" (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Ice Cream Headache :: The Bad Guys

No picture on file

Real name Hailie MacReynolds

Occupation Maniac, soldier

Species Terran

Talents Streetfighting

Hyperability Numbing people's brains with ice cream headaches that "taste" like different flavors

Personality Follower, thug, trying to overcome her position as the only woman on the Bad Guys, trying to overcome her position as the only Bad Guy who has a tasty hyperability with low-fat options

Fears Lactose

History August 1, 9074: gets first ice cream headache and develops hyperability July 14, 9084: starts robbing banks by freezing people's brains August 2, 9084: media gives her a media name October 3, 9109: joins the Bad Guys

Quotation "Leave my cone alone leave my cone alone." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Kamikaze :: The Good Guys


Real name Unknown

Occupation Pilot/nagivator

Species Terran

Talents Devising cockamamie ways to die and then showing off that talent

Hyperability Resurrecting, flying

Personality Has an unhealhty exhuberance for dying

Fears Absolutely nothing, much to the chagrin of everybody else

History January 14, 9069: drowns in a bathtub but self-revives minutes later, revealing hyperability March 20, 9076: makes first attempt at suicide; begins a lifelong thrill with pain and suicide; thinks everyone dies and returns to life September 18, 9076: begins staging schoolyard suicide for his classmates, charging money for attendance May 27, 9109: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "Yes, finally my death will come. And how unexpected: the fifth plague." (from issue 3, Technophobia

Legion :: The Good Guys


Real name Matross Legion

Occupation Leader

Species Trioxidillian

Talents Leading, putting up with Power Plant, making snide comments about Master Asinine, mostly leading...he's cool that way

Hyperability None and he still pulls off being Legion

Personality Sacrastic, is a follower of Alaphus, doubts his faith, feels grief over the death of Sopher

Fears That Power Plant will find out the Good Guys own an oven

History June 30, 9092: joins Intergalactic Protection January 4, 9093: meets Master Asinine February 2, 9093: meets Randall Sopher December 1, 9094: begins hating latent technology September 7, 9102: enters military college July 2, 9106: graduates military college, becomes captain July 20, 9108: forms the Good Guys July 21, 9108: begins wondering if Power Plant will be the death of him

Quotation "Power Plant didn't pour mayonnaise into the coolant slot again, did he?" (from issue 3, Technophobia

Lieutenant IQ 23 :: The Bad Guys

Lieutenant IQ 23

Real name Unrevealed

Occupation Second-in-command of the Bad Guys, gofer, Master Asinine's personal assistant, chainsaw juggler at Master Asinine's request

Species Terran

Talents Not chainsaw juggling

Hyperability None

Personality Submissive, follower

Fears Almost nothing since he doesn't think twice as long as Master Asinine says it's okay, mice

History August 30, 9102: meets Master Asinine March 18, 9103: helps form the Mikazin Clan and creates his media name July 19, 9108: helps form the Bad Guys

Quotation "Sir, I just got a buzz from your automated mailbox. Your Masters of the Universe toy set has arrived." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Master Asinine :: The Bad Guys

Master Asinine

Real name George Lowensland

Occupation Criminal leader of The Bad Guys, self-appointed minister

Species Terran

Talents According to him, everything; also fashion

Hyperability None

Personality Stupid, eccentric, lover of teen music, has bad fashion sense, believes in the power of positive thinking when it comes to growing a third eye

Fears That his plans for creating the first chocolate/chalk empire, Chalkolataria, will never be fully realized

History January 2, 9093: drops out of school January 3, 9093: joins Intergalactic Protection as a private January 4, 9093: meets Matross Legion February 2, 9093: meets Randall Sopher October 7-8, 9094: "helps" stop the Havlic Riots, shoves a cucumber into his right ear April 9-July 9, 9095: serves in the shellshock ward of Intergalactic Protection May 20-27, 9097: becomes a prisoner of war and gets tortured August 30, 9102: meets Braindead and Lieutenant IQ 23 December 4, 9102: kills Sopher and turns against Intergalactic Protection March 18, 9103: forms the McKazin Clan June 13, 9104: renames the McKazin Clan to the Mikazin Clan July 19, 9108: forms the Bad Guys

Quotation "This device's musical preference is disco, which is awesome because disco is painful." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Mechanism :: The Bad Guys

No picture on file

Real name Unrevealed, but it's probably snooty and ends with "The Third"

Occupation Soldier, revolutionary

Species Terran

Talents Ho boy, don't get him started

Hyperability None, but that robot suit of his is really boss

Personality Bold, conceited, judgmental, slightly alcoholic

Fears Idiots, that his fellow criminals will drink his wines while he's not watching

History June 1, 9070: creates his first Mechanism suit June 1, 9070: congratulates himself for creating his first Mechanism suit June 19, 9070: finishes congratulating himself for creating his first Mechanism suit August 23, 9109: joins the Bad Guys

Quotation "This is Master Asinine's favorite door. If we destroy it, we return to mandatory breakfasts in suppository form." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Momentum :: The Good Guys


Real name Ghiglix

Occupation Field agent

Species Fleeson

Talents Being snide, running fast, not being a hit at a party

Hyperability Technically none (all Fleesons move at hyperspeed)

Personality Is distrustul

Fears The dark, but don't let that on

History July 20, 9108: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "For the last time, it's Momentum. Do I have to home-school you on that word?" (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)

Multipurpose :: The Bad Guys


Real name Let's not get intrusive here

Occupation Ninja

Species Bulbosoid

Talents Not being a ninja, eating

Hypertalent None but being blubber

Personality Angry, abrasive, getting exhausted, deluding himself

Fears A good ninja knows no fear. Lucky for us, he's not a good ninja.

History February 14, 9068: : starts being ridiculed for weight, first claims he’s a ninja and begins training October 5, 9019: responds to Master Asinine’s job call for a ninja October 7, 9109: joins the Bad Guys

Quotation "If not for my crocking ninja reflexes and ironlike ninja skin, I could have been injured." (from issue 5, The Genetic Equation)

Null :: The Good Guys

No picture on file

Real name Roger Dodger, or at least that's what Power Plant calls him

Occupation Field agent, doorstop

Species Terran

Talents Breathing, drooling, staring

Hyperability Being in a coma

Personality He's permantently comatose, sssssoooo......

Fears None

History None, just...none

Quotation He's in a coma, so good luck get anything out of him

Patton :: Intergalactic Protection

No picture on file

Real name Patton

Occupation Brigadier general with Intergalactic Protection, liaison to The Good Guys

Species Terran

Talents Commanding, loving sponsor gratuities

Hyperability None

Personality Warm, understanding, loves his snacks

Fears None

Quotation "Before we start, my orders are to tell you the new season of Full-Contact Car Tag debuts Monday. Eh. I'm not a big fan of romantic dramas." (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)

Pincushion :: The Good Guys

No picture on file

Real name Abioye Kofi Iwu

Occupation Soldier

Species Terran

Talents Leading, roof repair

Hypermutation Spiky extensions over his body

Personality Insomniac, focused, reserved, serious

Fears None

History January 4, 9064: born with hypermutation of spikes February 27, 9070: parents abandon him at a shopping mall because of his spikes, begins living out of garbage cans June 28, 9090: joins the Mission Beach Police Department on Gaia, passes the fitness test based on all the running he did on the streets, gets a forward on his paycheck July 1, 9090: moves into first apartment August 17, 9095: pulls over a speeding car, driver shoots him through the kneecap, leg is reattached with a low-grade cybernetic knee that squeaks and makes him limp, begins suffering insomnia August 21, 9095: is released from the hospital and from duty May 25, 9109: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "Hopefully Asinine hasn't set up his hyena catapults." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Make sure to check out Pincushion's solo story!

Plaster :: The Bad Guys and The Intergalactic House of Funk

No picture on file

Real name Unrevealed

Occupation Grunt, oil painter

Species Terran

Talents Strength, being a grunt, giving sideways glances, being uggly (notice the extra G in there)

Hypermutation Constantly melting/constantly replenishing skin, superhuman strength and durability

Personality Abrasive, sarcastic, surly, and we love him for that

Fears Master Asinine's alarm clock, usually around 5 a.m. to 7 a.m.

History November 17, 9067: kills a classmate and is deemed a juvenile delinquent, is placed in foster homes, criminal programs, and special schools April 1, 9076: runs off and begins a life of crime that includes armed robbery, murder, assault causing bodily harm, drug trafficking, and adopting a kitten without proper paperwork December 4, 9081: arrested July 31, 9082: sentenced to die on December 4, 9082 August 2, 9082: agrees to go through an experiment to cure skin diseases in trade for a demotion of his sentence to life imprisonment September 10, 9083: goes through with experiment, skin goes into a constant-melting-constant-replenishing state, given the media name Plaster March 18, 9103: becomes a founder of the Bad Guys

Quotation "It's a diabolical plan. He'll use our own sippy cup against us." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Power Plant :: The Good Guys

Power Plant

Real name Jeff Abends

Occupation Field agent, diversionary tactics, red meat eater

Species Terran

Talents Robotics, making you facepalm and question the human race

Hyperability Light manipulation (he shoots lasers from body parts)

Personality Immature, happy-go-lucky, mischievous, not the brightest bulb

Fears Traffic detours

History March 14, 9096: with brother Mark, runs away from home to escape physical abuse November 6, 9096-February 1, 9100: is arrested multiple times for stealing food July 7, 9101: finds work as a construction worker July 20, 9108: joins the Good Guys mostly to get more access to processed sugar July 22, 9108: adopts the media name Power Plant because, hey, it was as good a name as any

Quotation "One o' my nostrils is bigger than the other." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Reef :: The Good Guys


Real name Silas Reef

Occupation Field agent

Species Terran

Talents Putting up with Kamikaze, putting up with Power Plant, putting up with his ex-wife, racketball

Hyperability Classified

Personality Alcoholic, sarcastic, leader, dependable

Fears Losing control of his hyperability

History Classified

Quotation "Kamikaze, please help me. I'm losing the feeling in my toes and you're turning into an optical illusion." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Make sure to check out Reef's solo story!

Scapegoat :: The Bad Guys


Real name Who knows, who cares?

Occupation Space filler

Species Terran

Talents Mixing his words up

Hypertalent Blame magnetism

Personality Subservience, loyalty

Fears Not sure if he knows what fear is

History July 19, 9108: becomes a founding member of the Bad Guys July 20, 9108 to present: nothing of note

Quotation "Yes, live me serve to master, yes." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Schizophrenic :: The Bad Guys


Real name Lefty and Righty

Occupation Head of security (see what I did there? Head? I'm funny), soldier

Species Terran

Talents Marksmanship, combat, crocking off those around him

Hypermutation He has two heads...isn't that enough?

Personality (Lefty) abrasive, sarcastic; (Righty) airheaded, excitable, stupid, clueless

Fears Lefty is too cocky to have fears and Righty is too stupid

History December 31, 9055: abandoned at an orphanage January 16, 9068: runs away from the orphanage, finds a mobile home, kills its owner (an old man), and lives there, building a petty crime gang that operates out of the mobile home September 18, 9082: found by Grestlix of the Houdin clan and asked to become his personal bodyguard, accepts and kills his crime gang, and then sets fire to his mobile home July 19, 9108: joins the Bad Guys July 21, 9108: kills Grestlix and becomes Master Asinine's bodyguard

Quotation "Asinine thinks the guy at Space Cow is diabolical because he keeps putting too many onions in his rump burger." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Smithereens :: The Good Guys


Real name Cliff Boinette

Occupation Demolitions

Species Terran

Talents Making bombs and blowing them up (and a lot of other stuff)

Hypermutation None

Personality Enthusiastic about explosives, calm in the face of danger

Fears A guy who works as close to explosives as him doesn't have a lot of fears (but it's clowns)

History May 5, 9068: begins experimenting with chemicals in a science kit he got for his birthday, learns to make explosives October 2, 9076: gets a job doing demolition with a construction company June 1, 9082: begins getting famous for bringing down landmark buildings that were crumbling September 18, 9109: joins the Good Guys

Quotation "Need something splattered? You know my motto: ‘Whatever needs detonating, I’m threatenating,’ eh." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Topsy and Turvy :: The Good Guys

Topsy and Turvy

Real name Your guess is as good as mine

Occupation Good Guy receptionists, desk clerks, acrobats

Species Again, your guess is as good as mine

Talents Flipping around, being blurry, scaring the crap out of your sense of sight with that orange hair and purple skin get the idea

Hypermutation Check out that color scheme of theirs

Personality Happy-go-lucky, chirpy, overexcited

Fears Nothing, those lil' daredevils

History August 14, 9109: joins the Good Guys, but other than that, these guys are a secret

Quotation "Don't mean to--rain on your fun, but--we should--keep those investors alive, hey hey--until they invest at least some--money in--the Good Guys. Double-flip action!" (from issue 3, Technophobia)